Hello, Your about to read a real testimony of what The Lord Jesus Christ can do for a soul that is in the worst of shape. (If He done it for me, He will do it for you too!) You see, the person writing this testimony is also the Pastor of the church. My name is Freddie Beard I am a real life testimony of what God can, and WILL do for ANYONE. I want to go a long ways back, in the story of what God truly has done for me. Not some concocted lie drummed up, I want to tell you the truth.You see even though God blessed me with a mom, and dad that taught me right from wrong. I had to choose for myself which way I would go. I still like every other soul on this planet, I was targeted to be killed, I mean dead. I am talking about the enemy of our souls,SATAN. He hated me, as he does all of Gods greatest creation, MANKIND! And Satan knows what his end shall be so, his whole mission is to take as many with him to the awful place of torment, "the lake of fire". He marked me especially young, I do not know for sure why; other than the fact that my Great grand father The Late Rev. John Wesley Brooks Duncan was a true man of God, and I feel he prayed for his seed to be used, and blessed of God. I think Satan especially targets the "children of Gods people". I from a very early age loved the anointing of God. I loved to hear Holy Ghost preaching. That is where I first heard of Evangelist Jimmy Swaggart. From the age as early as 4 or 5 years old, I loved to hear the anointed preaching that came out of that mans mouth. It done something to me; It moved my soul!Although I was not perfect, God called me from about the age of 14 yrs. To PREACH HIS GOSPEL. Like so many other people who God calls, I ran from it, going off to follow a life of sin.I had some difficulties, as it regards fully indulging the flesh. Because I am legally blind. I was born with a condition that left something incomplete in the back of my eye, and so it effected my vision, and I could not Drive so I had to have a lift everywhere I went. I did average in school, and I always managed to have friends, but there was a side of me that I hated.
I now know that it was Satan who had come and tried to make me only see the reasons I should just kill myself (all lies from hell), I felt that tendency for many years. It was stronger at times that others.But in the process of time, I endured a lot of ridicule, mockery, people would make fun of me and think I couldn't see them. I carried this in the back of my mind, but I did not know that it was growing, (the hatred, and bitterness toward my self). I know now that the teasing has made me a better person.It has taught me that if people such as myself did not make it through the suicidal lie, Nobody would hear that someone else has made it out. You see Satan wants us all DEAD. Not merely sick, broke, disgusted, tormented, poor, weak, lonely, weary. He wants us all dead, And he is very crafty in his ways to go about killing, stealing, and destroying lives.
I went along like this all of my early years, not trying to let it be seen ( the heaviness of it all) I tried to hide it deep inside. I finally ended up getting interested in girls and this seemed to turn my affections off of my suicidal thoughts, and in the process of it, I began to drink, It was an instant addiction. Though I would have never admitted it back then. I loved how booze made me feel. It seemed to help me to forget about the feelings I had of myself. I was a different person, I was ten feet tall and bullet proof, I thought.
I got married to a young girl in 1985, we had two beautiful baby girls (Kimberly, and Jennifer), all the while I was getting an ever more close relationship with the bottle. I was able to work, but I was getting to where I could not run out of beer. I kept this up until my health began to get bad. I had developed a sugar condition, and my teeth began to get really bad, between the two I was very sick all of the time. I got to where I didn't feel like doing nothing but I had to any way, I would go to work and often have to go home because I was so sick. My first wife and I seemed to get along OK, but It got to where I felt God began dealing with my heart, telling me I needed to get the girls in church, and give them the same opportunity to serve The Lord, my mom, and dad had given me. I started reading the Bible, The Lord began to show me all the events taking place in the world. And how they were the Bible literally unfolding right before me. I started seeking the Lord.And the more I did the further I felt my wife and I drew apart.
THAT AWFUL DAY
I remember when the beginning of the end came to our house. It was on our baby (Jenny's) birthday, she was turning two. We had went to Wal-mart to buy a cake, and I do not remember what the fight was over. I only remember the fighting, and screaming she and I did. We ended up at my mom, and dads. The fight only grew, and in a matter of a few minutes, she took my babies and left. We never reconciled after that, She filed for a divorce, and I tried to get her to work it out to no avail. In a few months we were divorced. My life went up in smoke. I started drinking like never before.I would drink so much I would wake up in strange places, not knowing how I got there. I had even "borrowed" friends cars drove them God only knows where , and somehow making it safely to where I was going, and bringing me safely back. (WHAT A MIRACLE ITSELF, PRAISE THE LORD) I had linked up with an old friend, more like a brother to me. He and I began to pal around. We had wild parties, and wild woman there. And yet through it all I could not find anything that would satisfy me. I felt like DEATH warmed over. My health steadily got worse as my sugar got more out of control. Chemical imbalances caused form the lack of nutrition, and sleep, compounded by the grief I had, and was going through. Noone will ever convince me, that a part of me did not die in that point in my life. I was like a leaf on the wind. Drifting here and there. I steadily got worse. Submerging myself in my then god, (rock-and-roll) I lived to drink, and listen to my music. The music went everywhere I went. Not knowing that the voice of Satan himself was breathing lies into my feeble soul. I would lay awake at night, wishing I had the courage to just blow my brains out. And the funny thing is through it all, my precious little girls would constantly be on my mind. I loved them so much, I absolutely couldn't stand the thought of them being without their daddy. When I got them on my weekends I would set and look at them, and squeeze them. My heart would literally break when I had to take them home. I would cry for hours and I would feel so empty, my life seemed all but over.When all of a sudden from out of nowhere, God sent me the woman HE had picked for me.It was on a hot, and humid June night when a friend of mine, and myself went to a dance hall. It was a place you BYOB, BRING YOUR OWN BOOZE. I didn't know it but He was going there to meet a young lady, and the young lady had a friend. James and I were sitting at the little table when His girl, and her walked in. He grabbed his girl's hand and started to take off to the dance floor, when she said,"I can't just leave Rhonda alone", and He said" OK Rhonda, this is Freddie, Freddie this is Rhonda"and they took off. She and I started out that night just talking, but the funny thing is The very first question out of my mouth, was" DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD"? She said she looked around and looked back at me and said;" well this is not really the place to talking about God, But YES I DO"! Well to make a long story, only a little longer. We have been together ever since.
TRYING TO LIVE WITHOUT GOD
The first few months were really quite rocky, my feelings for my ex still fresh, and my heart trying to move on. But through it all I kept on drinking, actually getting worse. I would drink every moment I could, I even took beer to bed with me, because I would wake up sick and hung over. I would lay awake hardly able to breathe, and sick from my head, to my feet. My sugar really out of whack,
I weighed a whopping 134lbs, at 6ft tall. With a 27 inch waist.
Our relationship seemed at first to be one of convience, for me anyway. I didn't want to be with her, and I couldn't be without her. We would fight, and then make up again.We had moved in together, in my house from my previous marriage. We were trying to enjoy the error of our way, trying to "just get by", but the Lord began to convict us of our sins, "shacking up", mom and dad had taught me better then that. Her mom and dad had her as well. We tossed up the idea of getting married, and I just felt I could not commit to her right then, but we finally said OK, if we aren't going to get married, we would have to move apart.
It was on December 15, 1993, we again began started talking marriage. And I said, "I can't, and Rhonda said" if you don't marry me today, I an mot going to do it"! So I went in the house got SAUCED, and we went to the county courthouse, and had the county judge do the honors.The months went by, we talked of going to church, we even visited some, but no real conversion experience had taken place.The drinking actually got worse, I had gotten to the point, I was falling on the ground and banging my head on it. Suicide had began to grasp it's ugly tentacles around my soul. I thought about it a lot, I even put a loaded pistol in my mouth a few times.
THEY SAY IT'S ALWAYS DARKEST
RIGHT BEFORE THE DAWN
Well I guess I believe that old saying to some degree, for the night God saved my soul, I was not sitting in side a church house looking for religion. It was in the month of August 1994 I was setting patiently waiting in front of the TV for my wife to go to sleep. You see I had planned my own death. I had planned to go get my gun after everyone was asleep, and I was finally going to do it. Not talk about it, NOT THINK ABOUT IT, Not threaten to DO IT, I had plans to finally do it after all of these years. It was so strange that night, Rhonda never slept in front of the TV, ON THE FLOOR, but that night she laid in the floor, and I sat waiting to hear her sleeping good. And finally it came, She was sound asleep. I retch up and turned off the TV, and slowly started to get up to retrieve my gun. I got to my feet when I heard this voice say"sit back down, and turn the TV back on".
I hesitantly sat down, I turned the TV back on, and slowly made my way around the dial. When all of a sudden I came across a preacher, BUT not just any preacher. This guy was preaching THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST, HE wasn't peddling vitamins, He wasn't begging my money, He was telling the world about a man named Jesus. When all of a sudden, it was as if he was preaching only to me. He began calling out my sins, my torments, my addictions, my suicidal thoughts, all of my sicknesses. And He didn't give me a list of things to do. HE SAID"GOD CAN DELIVER YOU RIGHT NOW, FROM THAT ALCOHOL, FROM SUICIDE, and he went on down the line naming my sins, and then he said , all you have to do is... CALL ON JESUS!!! Don't worry about being fancy, just call on HIS NAME!!! Friend let me tell you. I said to myself What have I got to lose. I said LORD, IF you will do for me what that preacher said you will do, I WILL SERVE YOU , ALL OF THE DAYS OF MY LIFE! And guess what happened, God put a sleep on me, and I woke up forever changed by the power of GOD. I woke up not craving BEER, I was craving THE LORD. God Turned everything around for me. He restored all of what Satan had stolen, and eaten, He brought me to HEALTH, HE HEALED MY SUGAR, (I CAN EAT CAKE AGAIN), He healed my mind from all of those evil desires to kill myself.
He brought me and my Wife another little girl "Summer" in 1998, and He has since given us love, like we have never known, He gave us joy, that simply can't be found anywhere else but from Him. And I to this day PRAISE HIM for ALL He has, and ever is doing in me and my life. Some of you may be saying, "Well what ever happened about your feelings for your now wife. I FELL IN LOVE WITH HER, and she and I are best friends, and WE LOVE EACH OTHER! PRAISE THE LORD!!!